2007-03-13

文章分享- 「感情銀行」

轉貼一篇我在網路上看到的文章


每個人的心靈裡都有個情感銀行戶頭。
  韋哈雷(Willard Harler)稱它為愛情銀行。
  羅坎伯(Ross Campbell)稱它為情感倉庫。
  柯維(Stephen Covey)稱它為情感銀行戶頭。

  就像銀行戶頭一樣,它會有存款與取款。 如果你經常在情人戶頭中存款,戶頭的款項愈多,你們的關係愈穩固。

  即使偶爾因自私或不夠體貼而支款,你也不至於因此透支。如果戶頭款項很低,每次的衝突將會擴大其嚴重性。信任和欣賞的準備金一旦陷入負債狀態,而我們不斷透支的話,感情或婚姻會被推入破產邊緣。成功的婚姻祕訣是,充滿你情人的情感銀行戶頭,直到它滿體貼,使它的資產遠超負債,你就會享受到豐富的愛心,醉人的親密,滿溢的信任。

  這個情感銀行戶頭的觀念,巴默理(Patrick Morler)稱它是男女關係中最重要的概念。懂得在對方情感銀行經常存款,避免支款,是成功關係的最佳利器。

丈夫如何在妻子的情感銀行存款
  1.早上給她一個熱情的擁抱
  2.替她煮杯茶、咖啡
  3.主動理床
  4.晚上清倒垃圾
  5.送小孩上學
  6.善待她的父母
  7.折疊家人衣服
  8.贈送生日禮物
  9.供應家庭需要
  10.說關愛欣賞的話

妻子如何在丈夫的情感銀行存款
  1.歡迎他下班回家
  2.關心他的工作事業
  3.精心準備晚餐
  4.滿足他的生理需要
  5.給他一份結婚紀念日的驚喜
  6.欣賞他的才華、個性
  7.在氣氛好時才討論問題
  8.讓他看他心愛的球賽
  9.把自己打扮得整潔漂亮
  10.照顧他的父母

丈夫如何在妻子的情感銀行支款
  1.忽略了傾聽妻子的心聲
  2.在工作裡耗盡了精神
  3.沒把妻子放在生命中的首要
  4.批評她的外貌、習慣
  5.自私、不體貼
  6.小事情大脾氣
  7.拒絕幫忙家事
  8.花錢滿足自己的嗜好
  9.不關心妻子的憂煩
  10.拒絕溝通

妻子如何在丈夫的情感銀行支款
  1.拒絕浪漫愛情的需求
  2.咒詛他的興趣嗜好
  3.外貌不整,精神萎靡
  4.經常嘮叨
  5.抱怨他的收入低
  6.拿他和成功人物相比
  7.想改變他的每一種習慣
  8.批評他的身形、才智
  9.不滿他的事業成就
  10.罵他沒出息

  人生錯綜複雜,我們都有可能偶爾失控,傷害了情人、配偶。避免情感銀行戶頭透支的最有效辦法是:平常多多存款,多說感激欣賞的話,多作體貼關懷的行動。距離的遙遠,真的是造成彼此情感不能維繫的真正主因嗎?

  我認為不是,那只不過是一般人拿來塘塞的藉口,若真的如此,為何仍有那麼多每天相處在一起的人面臨分手的命運。我想人應該在情感的路上多一點勇氣,喜歡就該讓對方知道,不論對方接受與否,至少不會讓自己生命中留有遺憾,說不定對方也喜歡你,只不過不敢表達罷了。若有幸遇上彼此心怡的人,那就更應該好好把握與珍惜,不要被一些外在因素所影響,該好好面對自己的心,堅持當初的選擇,不要輕易放棄。

謹送給已婚者------請多珍惜你最初的選擇
謹送給未婚者------請珍惜生命勇敢放心去愛

原文如後:
The Emotions Bank

Willard Harler calls it the Love Bank. Ross Campbell names it the Emotions Depot. Stephen Covey calls it the Emotions Bank Account. Just like a financial bank account, you can make deposits or withdrawals on the Emotions Bank Account. The more deposits you make on your lover’s Emotions Bank Account, the more stable your relationship will be. Even if occasionally you withdraw from this account out of selfishness or thoughtlessness, it will not bust your account. But if the deposit is low, every conflict will become more serious when it happens.

Once the funds of trust and appreciation fall into deficit, and you continue to overdraw, your relation or marriage will be pressed to the edge of bankruptcy. The secret of a successful marriage is to fill your lover’s Emotions Bank Account with consideration and make its assets far exceed its debt. In this way, you can enjoy abundant care, loving intimacy, and steadfast trust shared between you and your lover. Patrick Morler asserts that this idea of Emotions Bank Account is the most important concept in the relationship between men and women. It is the most efficient instrument for establishing a successful relationship to frequently make deposits on your lover’s account and at the same time, avoid withdrawals from it.

What a husband can do to make deposits on his wife’s Emotions Bank Account:
1. Give her a passionate hug in the morning.
2. Make tea or coffee for her.
3. Make the bed voluntarily.
4. Take out the trash in the evening.
5. Take children to school.
6. Treat her parents well.
7. Fold the family’s laundry.
8. Give her birthday presents.
9. Provide for the needs of your family.
10. Say caring and appreciative words to her.

How a wife can build up deposits on her husband’s Emotions Bank Account:
1. Welcome him when he comes home from work.
2. Care about his work and career.
3. Prepare dinner with much care.
4. Satisfy his physical needs.
5. Give him a surprise on the wedding anniversary.
6. Appreciate his talents and personality.
7. Discuss problems only in a nice atmosphere.
8. Let him watch his favorite ball games.
9. Dress yourself neat and lovely.
10. Take good care of his parents.

How a husband withdraws from his wife’s Emotions Bank Account:
1. Neglect listening to her.
2. Devote all your energy to work.
3. Consider her as first place in your life.
4. Criticize her looks and habits.
5. Be self-centered and inconsiderate.
6. Lose your temper over trivial things.
7. Refuse to help with housework.
8. Spend money to satisfy your own hobbies.
9. Be indifferent toward your wife’s worries.
10. Refuse to communicate with her.

How a wife withdraws from her husband’s Emotions Bank Account?
1. Turn down the needs of romantic love.
2. Curse his interests and hobbies.
3. Look untidy and droopy.
4. Always nag.
5. Complain of his low income.
6. Compare him with successful figures.
7. Try to change his every habit.
8. Criticize his body figure and intelligence.
9. Show discontent with his achievement in career.
10. Scold him for being good-for-nothing.

Life is intricately complex; we all may lose control at one time or another and end up hurting the feelings of our lovers or spouses. The most effective way to keep the Emotions Bank Account from going bust is to increase your deposits every now and then through showing appreciation and behaving thoughtfully.
Does distance really make it difficult to sustain a relationship? I do not think so. That is just an excuse. If it is indeed the case, then why are there so many couples who live together but still break up?

In my opinion, we should be more courageous when traveling on the road of love. Show your love when you feel it; even if he or she declines your affection, at least you will not feel regret later in your life. It just might happen that the person you are in love with is also fond of you but just dare not tell. If by luck we meet someone and find mutual love between each other, we should make efforts to maintain the relationship well and cherish the one we love. Try not to be affected by other factors but face our heart and persist in the original choice without giving up easily.

For those who are already married, please treasure the person you have originally chosen. For those who are still single, please cherish your life and march forward to love.

9 則留言:

giggis 提到...

感情的事沒那麼簡單
心不是那麼好掌握
最根本的問題是落在心念上
不是在做法上
不過彬爸珍媽的用心令人感動

奇異果 提到...

沒想到彬爸珍媽的英文那麼強@@(沒有啦^^)
咳~算了
提到感情的事
還真困擾!
在這順便回覆你曾給我的留言吧!

一曲肝腸斷
天涯何處覓知音

我現在連如何應付我老哥都快成問題了><
快崩潰了啦!
(可參考最新的網誌~collapsing)
(全英的喔!)

彬爸 提到...

這篇是轉貼文章
所以...文章不是我寫的
哪能稱我的英文強

另外
找不到 collapsing

奇異果 提到...

哈哈~終於停止大家狂亂留言了XD
Collapsing大概下禮拜才會打好吧!
因為那是個大大大工程><

登儀 提到...


很有道理
感謝

淑君 提到...

阿彬老師,我可以轉貼到我的部落格嗎?

彬爸 提到...

轉貼文章,歡迎呀
不過請註明原出處...
ps.這篇本來就不是我的著作

淑君 提到...

註明原出處...要連結你的網頁嗎?

彬爸 提到...

痾...
原以為我有註明當初看到的出處
剛剛回頭看了一下
才發現,我當初並未註明出處
真是抱歉...

ps.不用連結我的網頁啦
我不打廣告的

剛google了一下,想找原出處
卻發現,這篇文已被大量引用
原出處頗難尋了...
我個人推斷的可能出處為以下

2006春──翻譯與習作
何春蕤(週三上午9-12,A-105教室)
translation homework
感情銀行
The Emotions Bank
周詩珣翻譯

請參閱下方網址
http://sex.ncu.edu.tw/members/ho/studyall.htm